Good God. I’ve been subjected to some shocking stuff in my time. Anyone remember Dread Zeppelin? But there are several moments on the new Lagerstein album – notably the horrific Pina Colada Paradise – which would easily qualify for my upcoming compilation album Micky Stronge’s Direst Moments In Rock

Now I understand this schtick isn’t aimed at old punks like me – and I further understand that the band really are making waves (no pun intended) on the live circuit over here in Europe. They really are a band on the up, or so my sources tell me. And it also deserves to be noted that the playing throughout 25/7 is top notch… But for these tired and emotional ears, too often the band’s brand of comedy metal just seems to misfire. The likes of Shoey Song won’t bear repeated listens on anyone’s death deck for any longer than it has to, surely? Self indulgent it most definitely is, yet when the band just concentrates on being a roustabout folk metal band – Off The Map, for instance – they show just how good they actually are. This is all a matter of taste, obviously, but how I yearn to hear more songs like that on the album; in a different vein the comedic Wench My Thirst actually hits paydirt, resembling the twinkle-eyed double entendres of none other than that great old louche crooner himself Robert Palmer – albeit it in his rarely-seen adolescent days…

And now to Pina Colada Paradise. Cod reggae in a Pirate outfit. As that sentence suggests, it doesn’t get much more cringeworthy than this. Just a few weeks ago I was subjected to something called Black Metal Reggaeton by another ‘comedy’ band called Nanowar of Steel… I thought I’d never come across the like again, but… here we are! Each to their own of course, but I’m hoping I’m never assailed by music of this kind ever again…

I’ve spent a lot of time in pubs (you don’t say – Ed.), and my observation of drinking bands has coalesced into this easy-to-follow guide:

Tankard: Pub regulars, they’re in at opening time and leave before the youngsters get in, but after happy hour. True professionals.

Alestorm: Slightly dodgy characters, in every weekend for a pint and quite possibly a fight. Watch your womenfolk!

Korpiklaani: Sorry sir, have you seen our dress regulations?

Lagerstein: Borderline annoying stag do (that’s a Bucks Party for our Australian readers – Ed.), dressed in Pirate outfits and brandishing rubber parrots. Let’s hope they only stop for the one…

But I digress. As I say, this is very much a case of diff’rent strokes, and I certainly wish Lagerstein all the very best as they continue their voyage. I doubt I’ll be joining in again anytime soon… but if this is your thing – drink your fill! cheers!

Lagerstein release 25/7 today!